(Source: staypozitive, via dangitmargaret)
Snorkeling @ Hanauma Bay
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So I’m finally 25, probably the latest of all my friends to be, which secretly makes me happy as we grow older and mourn the days of our youth. I can now finally say that all my quarter-life worrying paid off, as this year started off with a bang—failed relationships, family drama, an ailing relative—and it hasn’t even been a month yet! This seriously has me worried for how the rest of the year will turn out.
It was hard to be thankful of anything this Thanksgiving with all this negative energy looming above my head. Let’s just say it’s been a very emotionally charged few weeks, and I’m honestly not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel as they say. Thank God for God. And friends. If anything, these recent hardships have shown me who my friends are—those that stick by me no matter how many stupid decisions I may make, who give up hours/days/weeks of their time just listening to me vent, who tell me that everything will be ok—even if it won’t. For that, I am so grateful. As for God, well, He keeps me standing at the end of the day.
But back to being 25. I just read a very insightful article titled “11 Things to Know at 25(ish)” by Shauna Niequist. Though they don’t all necessarily apply, the ones that do are ones that I’m sure we twenty-fivers are already well aware of. To start with, #1 tells us that you have time to find a job you love. I’ll be the first to admit that I incessantly complain about being at an unsatisfying job. Of course I’m grateful that I even have one in this economy, but to be a little selfish here, I want more out of something that takes up basically my entire life day in and day out. I want to do something I love, something that makes me feel happy and accomplished, something that actually makes me want to get out of bed in the mornings.
”..it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.”
This made me feel a lot more at ease about where I am. I figured by this age I would already know what my path was in life career-wise, but I suppose now I have a few more years to sort all that out.
Number 3 on the list reminds us to don’t rush dating and marriage.
“Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without.”
It’s easy to stay in a relationship that is just that—easy. But that might not always be the right relationship and it would be unfair on both parties to just drag it along. For me, I’ve always been in search of can’t-live-without. I always thought there would be that one person just for me, the person that I could finally bind my wandering heart to. This person would make me forget about all others and never let me get to the point of searching for that better alternative, because he would be it. I have friends who have found their person. They say though, that there isn’t just one person out there—there could be several. It’s the choices you make in life that determine which one of those several you end up with. Although I can’t tell you what the right answer is, I think it’s different for everyone. One thing I do know is that you can’t rush into a long term commitment in a race to keep up with those around you. Wait for that right person to come along and find you. It’ll happen. It better!
Give your best to friends and family.
“That [boy] you just met and now text 76 times a day probably won’t be a part of your life in 10 years, but the [ones] you lived with in college, if you keep investing in them, will be friends for a lifetime. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you.”
This is an all too familiar point Niequist brings up. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of my friends now and I myself, am no stranger to random texts asking if I’m still alive because of my shoddy response time and lack of communication. I’ve recently started to keep up with old college friends and oftentimes try and get together with those from high school as much as possible. I know these relationships grow farther and farther apart the faster we grow up, so it’s imperative to, as Niequist says, invest in the ones important to you. It’s hard to find good people that you can trust and talk to, so for me, you have to hold on to them.
Lastly, and probably most important of the 11 points, don’t get stuck. This is a lot easier said than done, something I’m sure we all can agree with.
“Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned.”
This is the constant battle I face every day. I always feel like I’m stuck and time just keeps passing me by. People are going places, doing things, getting married, and here I am, stuck. I wish there was a cure-all for people with this problem, but then we wouldn’t be living our lives if everything was just handed to us right?
My endgame has always been to just be happy. It’s what all my blown eyelashes and tossed coins and birthday candles have all been for. So what the heck am I waiting for, it’s time to LIVE.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” — William Shakespeare
Source: imgfave.com via Serena on Pinterest
So far October has proven to be a pretty trying month. What I thought would be a month filled with fun weekends and celebration were instead filled with tension-filled car rides and multiple therapy sessions with friends. It’s gotten so depressing that the swipe of a credit card can’t even erase the black cloud hovering over me.
As if I wasn’t in a life rut already career-wise, I added another notch to my failed relationships belt. Jobs and relationships are probably the core of who I am at this age and obviously, there is no clear path in either aspect. But I know there is one—I’m just too impatient to wait for it to see the light of day. I just have to trust that I will eventually be led in the right direction.
This semi-moment of clarity comes after 2 weeks of being completely and utterly single, something I haven’t been since high school. I know it isn’t the end of the world, and that in the grand scheme of things this will probably just be a tiny little insignificant blip, but in this moment, it feels like a turning point. I’ve felt more alone than I’ve ever felt, a feeling that I’m not familiar with nor do I care much for. I realize that I’m surrounded by friends and family and should feel grateful for their constant presence, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that I’ve just lost the one person I was closest to for the past 2 years of my life—years that were important in the development of the person I am today. That’s a tough pill to swallow, and we all know that’s not something I’m skilled at.
I full on moped for a few days, but knew that I couldn’t walk around being Eeyore forever. I joined the gym, cut my hair and started going to church again. Not exactly life-altering but it’s a start. As was expected, church provided the insight I was so desperately searching for.
I hadn’t attended church in a while. I had let my laziness get the best of me and I had been traveling in between cities so often it was just too difficult. The message from yesterday’s service was about marriage and commitment—things so far out of my grasp but things that seem to constantly surround me. The pastor made a reference to an article, from Elle magazine of all places, titled “Till Whatever Do Us Part”. The author, Rachael Combe, writes:
Doherty, who is also a couples therapist, says marriage isn’t about what you’re feeling for each other on any given day, because on many days love isn’t even on the top 10 list. “You can’t have a feelings-based marriage,” he says. “I call it a con sumer marriage, where you’re saying, ‘As long as my spouse is meeting my needs, then I stay. But if the costs go up and the rewards down, I bolt. And if a better alternative comes along, I’m gone.’ So there’s always a threat to the marriage and couples are always asking, ‘How happy is this making me?’ ”
I may not be married, but this describes how I am in relationships to a T. I’ve always known I was selfish but to realize that it was to the point of ruining a relationship was disheartening. Just like marriage, a committed relationship takes hard work and compromise, things that I clearly did not provide on my end. When I was unhappy, it seemed I was always waiting for a better alternative. It’s not something I’m proud to admit but I’ve always been the self-preservation type of person. But to realize that selfishness and impatience are my biggest character flaws is the first step towards growth. People say the first step is always the hardest.
Being alone and having so much time on my hands isn’t the easiest. I am a thinker by nature and tend to over-analyze every detail and action. To make things worse, I am also a pessimist. I don’t think I’ve always been this way but being dissatisfied with the choices I’ve made in life does that to a person. Having this time to reflect may or may not be good, but I’ve come to realize a few things. I am obviously not in the right mindset to be in a committed relationship right now, as much as I’d like to be. That’d be the easy route, but to be honest, I could probably use the challenge. I need to work on myself and that in itself is probably the biggest challenge I’ll ever face, being content and confident with my own decisions. I’ve also realized that certain distractions aren’t the best way for me to move forward. I’m reaching for something that isn’t there and likely will never be there. I’m getting attached and I know I need to let it go, but I just can’t quite figure out how to cut out the one thing that I always seem to fall back on.
I am hopeful though, that the philosophy this title encompasses will get me through this phase. One day at a time..